Holy Spirit Series

Holy Spirit 3 – The Power of God in the Midst of Your Storm

I’m sure you’ve noticed that it’s been a while since I’ve posted. During this break from blogging, I have been working to get my book, The Power of God in the Midst of Your Storm, ready for publication. And, as of this writing, both the Kindle and Paperback versions are available on Amazon!

But during this final push to get the book ready, the question came up—why did I write the book? What was the purpose behind sharing my story?

And, the answer has everything to do with the Holy Spirit.

In fact, it was the Holy Spirit who, in 2017, put it on my heart to write a book. But just because He asked, didn’t mean it was easy for me to say, “Yes!” 

I started out slowly—just sharing small portions with friends who were struggling to find hope. But I was always careful not to go deeper and share about prison. At the time, I didn’t want to share that part with anybody—let alone write a book about it!  And, as the Holy Spirit began to remind me of testimonies and details of that season, it occurred to me that maybe writing a book was just for me. His Word says that Jesus came to set the captives free. But wasn’t I already free?  Though the prison bars were long gone, my thoughts and fears had been holding me in a different kind of bondage and I discovered that I was not really free after all.  

As I began to dig into my past and put my story on paper, I realized that God was using the writing of this book to heal me—not only freeing me from the fear of what people might think, but He surprised me by showing me that I had been holding onto unforgiveness. But I didn’t need to forgive someone else—I needed to forgive myself.

And as He walked me through the process of healing, forgiveness, and rebuilding my life, I began to feel a new freedom that I hadn’t even known was possible. And I found a new boldness that let me stand and speak with confidence and compassion about all that He worked through me and in me during that season in my life.

What a God we serve! All the while I thought I was writing this book to help others walk through their storms, He was using it to rebuild and restore me in the aftermath of mine.

It has been a slow process for me to feel free enough to open up and talk about that darkest season of my life. But my hope, my prayer, is that whoever reads this book, will be encouraged. No matter your circumstances, no matter what it looks like—God is in it with you. And He is truly for you, not against. And oh—those signs and wonders? Yes, they are for today. He just needs a vessel He can work through. I have no doubt that what He did for me, He will do for you.

Holy Spirit 2 – A Way in the Wilderness 

¹⁴ “Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
Will bring her into the wilderness,
And speak comfort to her.

¹⁵ I will give her her vineyards from there,
And the Valley of Achor as a door of hope;
She shall sing there,
As in the days of her youth,
As in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.

¹⁶ “And it shall be, in that day,”
Says the Lord,
“That you will call Me ‘My Husband,’
And no longer call Me ‘My Master,’

Hosea 2:14-16 NKJV

Has the Holy Ghost ever given you a Scripture, that in your spirit you knew was a “life scripture,” but at the time, you had absolutely no idea what He was saying?

I was saved not even a year when I clearly “saw” this address in a dream: “Hosea 2:14-16”. When I woke up, I wrote it down, but Hosea? At the time, I was so new in the Lord that I didn’t even know it was Scripture.  Ironically, I took it to my pastor’s wife who had become a close friend, and of course she immediately recognized it. So together we looked it up, talked about it, and tried to discern the Lord’s meaning in it for me. But, even after all that, I still had no understanding of what the Lord was trying to speak into my life.

Faced with this sudden lack of income and provision, I continued to pour over that Scripture in Hosea and I began to see verse 15 in a whole new light — “I will give her her vineyards...” Wait! That was the encouragement I was looking for! Things were going to turn around for us! Praise God!

But they didn’t turn around. Things got worse. Much worse.

And I kept coming back to that very first line, “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, I will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her.” What could that possibly mean—a wilderness?

But my questions were answered, when six months later, there was a knock on our door and I opened it to find our house surrounded by DEA agents—with guns. That day ended with our arrest and the end of life as we knew it.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.—Romans 8:28 NKJV

The “wilderness” that had begun the year before my arrest, continued on through that season in prison and, surprisingly, even a few years after I was released. That wilderness experience—the one that the Lord had spoken to me through Hosea— for me, turned out to be a priceless season in which the Lord became real. During the most difficult season of my life, He drew me into a place of intimacy and freedom that I had never experienced before or since.

You may ask, “How was it possible to feel so free in prison?” Jesus said He came to set the captives free, to release us from bondage and oppression. My life had become so busy, so consuming, that there never seemed to be enough time, energy, or focus for a relationship with Him.

But, all these years later, I finally have an understanding of this Scripture. The season spent in the wilderness had worked to conform me more into the likeness of GOD. The change in my attitude and spirit was borne out of necessity. I had needed His protection above all else. But a relationship that had begun out of necessity, became one of communion, intimacy and a deep understanding of the Father’s love. And that understanding drew me closer, kept me obedient, and held my heart. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for Him—first, out of my desperate need, but then as I walked more closely with Him, that fear and desperation vanished as I abandoned myself to His great Love.

Through all the seasons of my life, He has continued to walk with me, and my confidence and trust in His faithfulness now has deep roots.

And in this season, as more of His plan unfolds in my life, He is turning my valleys of trouble into doors of opportunity as my hope remains steadfast in Him.

May I say that I never dreamt my life would turn out this way. I am continually humbled by His love, His goodness and His faithfulness. I often find myself marveling at what God has done and continues to do in my life—And I’m reminded of Ephesians 3:20: “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.”

All I can say is to that is “Yes and Amen.”

God was able to take all the bad choices and the broken pieces of my life and use them for His glory.

Hosea? Who would have thought.

 

Photo by Kristian Egelund on Unsplash

Shining a Light—Holy Spirit Series

Lately, I’ve been aware of things moving, sensing things changing—in both the natural as well as the Spirit. And in the midst of all the motion, I’m feeling the Holy Spirit’s urging to shift gears here too—to move past those surface “Reflections” of my last blog series and look into the depths. And I believe that it’s as we change our perspective, linger in His presence, and experience His goodness that we will find that deeper connection with the Holy Spirit, and a greater understanding of Who He is to us.

As we start off in this new direction, I want to begin to highlight the Gifts of the Spirit—taking a closer look at how they work to bring comfort and encouragement. Today, I’d like to share how the Holy Spirit spoke into one of my darkest nights—at a time when I felt most unworthy to receive anything from God.

It had only been a few months since I had surrendered my life to Jesus, when my Pastor, Josie Matsuwaki, surprised me by showing up at our office to share a dream the Holy Spirit had given her. As a young Christian, I really didn’t know anything about how God spoke through dreams and visions, so I admit I was both curious and a little excited.

And, as she began share her dream, I realized that God had shown her the exact house my husband and I had lived in!  Not only that, but she described it with such perfect accuracy that she had even ‘seen’ the door between the living room and the garage locked with a deadbolt!

But as she continued to walk me through her dream, I felt a little prickle at the back of my neck and the beginnings of fear stir in my heart. The good news was that yes, I knew the house. And the bad news? The bad news was that I also knew what was behind the door with the deadbolt.

Now I just wanted it to stop. Unexpectedly, the fear gave way to a flare of anger—at God!  “How COULD You show her THAT? I thought You were a LOVING God!” It was all I could do to stay calm on the outside, while my insides turned to jello.

But by the time Josie had finished sharing and had gotten around to asking me if I knew what it meant, I had my breathing back under control, my anger under wraps and I was able to tell her (and I thought rather convincingly) that I hadn’t understood any of it.  After she left, I tried to make sense of what had happened, but I still couldn’t understand why God would show her that part of my past? I thought all my sins had been forgiven when I accepted Jesus—so why would God do that?

Then about two weeks later, Pastor Josie had a second dream. And of course, she wanted to share it. This time I was past being curious. With rising dread, all I could think was, “NOW what had God shown her about me?”

When she burst through the office door and greeted me with, “He showed me more of what was in the garage!”  My stomach clenched and my breath caught in my throat as she perfectly described the ‘furnishings’ in the garage. Once again, when she had finished sharing her dream, I told her that I hadn’t understood any of it—this time though, I knew that she knew I was lying. But she never brought it up again.

Then, about 6 months later, it was me who had a dream. And in my dream I also ‘saw’ a house. But this house had three stories and it wasn’t one I recognized.  And in my dream I ‘saw’ DEA agents and police flooding into the house and they all had guns. Pointed at us.

When I woke up, I thought to myself, “That can’t be true. We’ve been out of that “business” far too long.

And with that, I didn’t think any more about it. A few days later, I had the same dream. But once again, I dismissed it.

But here’s the rest of the story—

Nine months after my dream, those exact events played out in real life—in the exact house I’d seen—complete with DEA agents and police pouring into the house from every direction. With guns. And they had all been pointed at us.

As that ordeal was ending, another was just beginning. There was darkness pushing in on me from all directions as I found myself being processed into Honolulu’s city jail. While being taken to my assigned “room”, I was led past a TV screen showing the evening news. I glanced up just in time to see my face—MY face on the evening news. It turned out that our arrest had become a national headline. For me, that was the final straw—and with it the rest of my world came crashing down.

As I lay on the top bunk trying to give in to overwhelming exhaustion, I was hit instead with wave after wave of shame, fear, regret, and anger. And in the midst of it all, a deep sorrow overcame me. I didn’t want to chance seeing anyone walk by, so I rolled over with my face against the wall, and to my surprise found myself looking out a window. Heavy rain was pounding down on the road outside and in the driving rain the streets were empty. I saw no cars, no people, no signs of life—instead, I saw reflected back at me the darkness and despair I was feeling in my soul.

How did my life turn out like this?

As I continued to stare into that blackness, I heard the Holy Spirit ask, “Do you remember the dreams Pastor Josie shared?”

Yes, I did remember, how could I forget that glimpse into my past. But it seemed a lifetime ago. The Holy Spirit continued, “I didn’t give them to her to embarrass you, but I knew this day was coming and I wanted you to know that I would be with you every step of the way.”

Now the tears started to come. The tears I’d held off for so long. In the space of a heartbeat, I understood, I knew beyond any doubt, that God loved me and cared about me enough to foretell this day—even when I couldn’t understand. I knew and felt that I was not alone, and I no longer doubted His love for me. With His presence around me and love covering me, the emptiness in my soul was filled with the light of His truth. I knew with everything in me that I was loved.

As I continued to rest in His presence, He asked me if I remembered the dream He gave me. As I started to think about that dream, I suddenly realized this whole day had played out exactly as I had dreamt it months before—but how could that be?

At the time I didn’t understand what a Word of Knowledge or a Word of Wisdom were, but I do know that what the Holy Spirit revealed to me that night was literally life changing. Now I knew—I really knew in my heart—that God loved me, and that He knew me or, should l say, he knows me—every detail of my life—and yet still He called me His child.

John 16:13-14 says, “However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. He will glorify Me, for He will take of what is Mine and declare it to you.”

I am so grateful to God and so grateful for His Holy Spirit. Maybe for the first time in my life I had a glimpse of how special each person is to God. I felt His love and compassion for me in spite of all my bad decisions. More than that, what God did for me that night—when He brought all the pieces together—was to show me that He had been there all along. And that He was there with me now. That He was for me, not against me. He didn’t just tell me that He loved me, He SHOWED me. In a way that gave me everything I needed to walk through one of the most difficult seasons of my life.

And I know He can do the same for you.