How Great is God’s Love – Reflection Series

With my life (and everyone else’s) put on ‘hold’ these past many months — I’ve had plenty of time to look back on my life. Back before lockdowns and shutdowns, before masks and protocols, before Covid threatened to change life as we know it. God took me back to a time when life was stacked against me on all sides. And I was facing it all alone. The date was Friday, August 21, 1987—to be exact.

To be honest, I can even remember the gut-wrenching emotions of that day. Helplessness. Hopelessness. Exhaustion. Defeat.

Any of this sound familiar?

For me, the ‘day’ in question actually began when we moved to Kauai in April of that year.  My husband, Bob, had purchased a helicopter tour company—he’d been flying charters in California when this new opportunity came along.  But this company was heavily in debt. Even so, Bob had always had businesses, so he believed he could turn this one around too. Only problem was that since he would be doing the flying, it would fall to me to run the business side of things.

To say I was in over-my-head from the very beginning would be an understatement. I was isolated (physically and emotionally) from everything I had ever known, I was stressed, overwhelmed, bill collector’s were calling, and I was trying to make sense of the growing tower of manuals on my desk. Besides all the paperwork, there were 30 new employees, I was putting in 16 hours a day, 7 days a week and there was absolutely no end in sight. Instead of slowing down, the piles on my desk just grew higher, the personnel problems multiplied, and the governmental red tape spiraled out of control.

I came into work that Friday exhausted—overwhelmed with hopelessness and frustration. The phone rang. Again. This time it was the maintenance facility at the other end of the airport. They were holding one of our helicopters. They wanted to be paid for the work they’d done and if we didn’t come up with the money, they would hold our helicopter until we did. And, in the meantime, if we couldn’t fly, there would be no tours. No income. No one would get paid. And I was responsible for the livelihoods of 30 people and their families—from pilots on down to the ‘kids’ who answered the phones. I was responsible. It all fell on me.

I felt my body collapse on the inside. I had nothing left. I had stopped listening. I had stopped feeling. I couldn’t even find the breath to speak when the voice on the other end of the line stopped abruptly. So, I placed the receiver back in the cradle. The click sounded loud and final in my head. Final. It was done. I was done. I had hit a wall. There was no way I could face another Monday.

The thought that was only a seed on Friday, took on a life of its own over the weekend, and by Sunday night I found myself fingering the bottle of sleeping pills in my pocket. Could I do it? Of course I could. Then another thought ran across my mind as the empty pill bottle hit the floor—if God didn’t want me to die, then I would be alive tomorrow. That was my last thought before I lost consciousness.

My husband is normally a sound sleeper, but for some reason Bob woke up around 2 in the morning and found me on the floor in the other room unresponsive and not breathing. We didn’t have a phone in the house but we lived right behind the hospital. Somehow Bob was able to get staff from the hospital back to our condo. Together, they rushed me to the emergency room where they worked on me for an hour—all the while telling Bob that if he was a praying man he should start now, because it didn’t look good.

We were both unsaved at the time. But, at the hospital, Bob found his way to the chapel. In his desperation, Bob cried out to God that if He would save me, then he would do whatever God wanted.

I could say the rest is history. But God is still writing my story.

As I looked back on that day, I’m reminded of just how great is God’s love for us—

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

It would be another 6 months before we gave our lives to the Lord. The Lord showed us both that He was real. And that He heard our prayers.

And during the season we’re all currently walking through, I’ve sensed the helplessness, hopelessness, and isolation of the many who are trying to find their way through. I remember what that felt like. I didn’t believe my life had any purpose or value and I couldn’t see any possibility of things getting better.

But I was wrong!

Isaiah 43:1-2 says, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.”

Ironically, the next seven years of my life didn’t improve. My life actually got worse, but the Lord walked out every step with me.  The truth is that I was never alone and I came to know the reality of the goodness and faithfulness of our Lord.

So today, looking back, do you know what I really saw? I saw God’s handprint all over my life—even before I knew Him, He knew me.

If you’re afraid, His perfect love will demolish every fear.

If you’re alone, He promises never to leave you or forsake you.

And if you’re overwhelmed, He gently asks you to let Him carry your burdens for you. But He doesn’t just carry them. He makes a way where there is no way.

That’s the God I serve. That’s the God who saved me—twice.

Will you give Him a place in your heart today?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Impossible is Possible – Reflection Series

It was November 1991, and I had just completed my first year in prison.

On this particular day, I was making my one allowed weekly call to my Pastors on Kauai.

The first peculiar thing about this day was that Pastor Larry answered the phone. That in itself was not unusual, but instead of handing the phone to his wife, Pastor Josie–like he did most every week–he said, “I need to talk to you!” It turned out that Josie had been sharing all the testimonies coming out of our prayer group—salvations, healings, and baptisms in the Holy Spirit!

Larry said he had been praying and the Lord told him that these new believers needed to be baptized in water. Without hesitation I said, “Not possible.”

In reply, he suggested I could use the bath tubs. “We don’t have bath tubs,” I said. But he didn’t leave it there. He said, “OK, so take them to the showers.”

“That’s not possible! We can’t do that!”

All the time I am thinking I just want this call to end, “Doesn’t he understand where I am at? What is he thinking!?”

I finally was able to get off the phone by promising to pray about it. Pastor Larry’s heart was in the right place, but there were all those rules and regulations that had closed every possible door in the past. To be honest, I had no plans to give it another thought. Why should I? It still just wasn’t possible.

A week later I decided to go to the monthly Bible Study led by the local Four Square Prison Ministry. It was only the second time I had attended their meetings. At the end of the service, the Pastor asked if I could stay for a few minutes. He wanted to talk to me. That was another very peculiar thing. He didn’t know me. I didn’t attend his meetings regularly. There seemed to be no obvious reason for his calling me out. But obediently, I stayed after the service.

When most everyone else had left, He walked over to me and said, “I understand you work in the maintenance department.”

Surprised, I replied, “Yes, I work in the paint department.” It turned out that he asked me to stay, because he wanted me to ask the person in charge of the maintenance if they could build something that could be used as a water baptistery.

Really? Didn’t I just have this conversation? It seemed like I was still on the phone with Pastor Larry. Again, I tried to explain that what he was asking me to do was just not possible. I tried to make it clear that as an inmate, I was not allowed to approach a department head, let alone ask them for a favor. But he would not take “no” for an answer, and he wouldn’t let me leave until I agreed that I would at least try before the end of the week. As I turned to leave, he assured me that they would all be praying for me. Great.

No one seemed to understand that the Department Heads don’t speak to inmates. I couldn’t even imagine my walking into their office and asking about building a baptistry. It took me until nearly the end of the week just to build up enough nerve to go.

When I finally did, I noticed as I approached, that the Department Head’s assistant was speaking with him. I waited, and when they finished their conversation, I asked the assistant if, in my spare time, I could build a container so we could do baptisms. He immediately said, “No!”

See? Didn’t I tell you? That’s what I expected. So I turned to walk away.

But as I turned to go, and the head of the department said, “Wait! What exactly do you need?” As I explained what I needed, he said, “I can’t allow you to build it, but I will have someone from the men’s camp build it, and it will be done by next week.”

Wait!! What?? Did that just happen?? I was in shock! How did God do that?

What I didn’t share, is that this prison had never had a water baptism before and has not had another since. That was the first—and the last. In fact, it was such big news that the local paper in Pleasanton, California ran an article about the 37 women who were water baptized in prison.

Reflection :
I had almost quit that job a month earlier, but I knew that God had placed me there for a purpose and hadn’t yet released me from the work I was doing. How easy it can be to miss the blessing that God has set in motion!

I realized later that the favor of God had gone before me with the Warden and the Head of Maintenance. I always believed that I was working as for the Lord, so I took pride in my work. It reminds me of the Scriptures about Joseph and the favor God gave him in prison.

At the time, I couldn’t imagine that these pastors would ask me to step out in faith and believe for something that was so obviously impossible. How often are we faced with a task that seems impossible? Oh me of little faith!

He truly is the God of the impossible. Today, what seems impossible in your life? Are there dreams or circumstances that seem beyond your reach? With God, nothing is impossible. He’s proven that over and over in my life.

And you can take that to the bank.

“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Matthew 19:26

As I was preparing my sermon for Mother’s Day, May 9th this year, I received the song list from my worship leader, Kathy. Attached was a note saying, “If you’re not comfortable with the first song because of the date this weekend, I’ll sure understand. But I really believe God picked this song.”

When I read her note, I was completely at a loss as to what date she was talking about—but then, it hit me—it would be my wedding anniversary! But, since my husband had moved on to heaven 8 years ago, I told her it wasn’t a problem and to go ahead with the song list.

But, as soon as I sent off my reply, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the significance of the song Kathy had asked about. I remembered that it was my husband’s favorite song— “Shine Jesus Shine.” As Bob and I faced the darkest days of our lives, we played this song over and over and over. With the trial looming before us, neither of us knew what life might look like when we came out the other side. We didn’t want to talk about it. There was nothing to say. Instead, we just played that song over and over.

Exactly what was God saying? I found it so interesting that He lead me to numbers, not the book in the Bible, just numbers. At first, I started thinking it was the number 8, because that was our anniversary—but no, that wasn’t it. He was talking about the number 9, and then the number 30. He showed me that the numbers 9 and 30 were intertwined throughout our marriage and even before we met. My husband enlisted in the military on Mother’s Day, he opened his first business on Mother’s Day, and then we were married on Mother’s Day. 3+3+3=9 –and, of course, the message I was preparing was for Mother’s Day, Sunday the 9th.

So here’s what I received. One of the meanings of 9 is beginning of a new era. This month I will be starting my 9th year without my husband. And then part of the meaning of 30 is that it symbolizes dedication to a particular task or calling. Interesting because I am slowly transitioning out of the role of Senior Pastor and moving into this new ministry.

As I was reflecting on all that the Lord has brought my husband and I through, I couldn’t help but be amazed at the faithfulness of God. We were so broken, and so beyond dreaming of a future. Would we even see each other again? To be honest, we weren’t even sure we would live through it.

On Oct. 30, 1991 I received a letter from Pastor Gail Kamakahi and she gave me Ephesians 3:20, “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us…” Then she added, “His name is Jesus.” But, at that moment, with an uncertain future before me, I couldn’t believe or even imagine that the Scripture she sent could possibly apply to my life.

It wasn’t until many years later that I could look back and say that is exactly what He did in our lives—more than we ever hoped for or imagined.

Today, God chose to use numbers to speak to me and to bless me. I could so easily have missed that blessing. But through it all, He reminded me how He has been involved in our lives even before we knew Him. He was with us in the midst of the messes we made—not just little stuff, but the big life-changing messes. He turned them all around. Thank you Jesus.

Looking back over the last 33 years of my life serving God, (the irony of that number was not lost on me either) I am amazed at how He restored my life. That song— “Shine Jesus Shine”—says, “Mirrored here, may our lives tell a story.” Yes Lord. My prayer is that He truly is shining through my life.

I’ll close with this thought. As God moves me into this new ministry, my hope is that, as I share all that God has brought me though, it will give you hope and confidence that He will do the same for you.