Shining a Light—Holy Spirit Series
Lately, I’ve been aware of things moving, sensing things changing—in both the natural as well as the Spirit. And in the midst of all the motion, I’m feeling the Holy Spirit’s urging to shift gears here too—to move past those surface “Reflections” of my last blog series and look into the depths. And I believe that it’s as we change our perspective, linger in His presence, and experience His goodness that we will find that deeper connection with the Holy Spirit, and a greater understanding of Who He is to us.
As we start off in this new direction, I want to begin to highlight the Gifts of the Spirit—taking a closer look at how they work to bring comfort and encouragement. Today, I’d like to share how the Holy Spirit spoke into one of my darkest nights—at a time when I felt most unworthy to receive anything from God.
It had only been a few months since I had surrendered my life to Jesus, when my Pastor, Josie Matsuwaki, surprised me by showing up at our office to share a dream the Holy Spirit had given her. As a young Christian, I really didn’t know anything about how God spoke through dreams and visions, so I admit I was both curious and a little excited.
And, as she began share her dream, I realized that God had shown her the exact house my husband and I had lived in! Not only that, but she described it with such perfect accuracy that she had even ‘seen’ the door between the living room and the garage locked with a deadbolt!
But as she continued to walk me through her dream, I felt a little prickle at the back of my neck and the beginnings of fear stir in my heart. The good news was that yes, I knew the house. And the bad news? The bad news was that I also knew what was behind the door with the deadbolt.
Now I just wanted it to stop. Unexpectedly, the fear gave way to a flare of anger—at God! “How COULD You show her THAT? I thought You were a LOVING God!” It was all I could do to stay calm on the outside, while my insides turned to jello.
But by the time Josie had finished sharing and had gotten around to asking me if I knew what it meant, I had my breathing back under control, my anger under wraps and I was able to tell her (and I thought rather convincingly) that I hadn’t understood any of it. After she left, I tried to make sense of what had happened, but I still couldn’t understand why God would show her that part of my past? I thought all my sins had been forgiven when I accepted Jesus—so why would God do that?
Then about two weeks later, Pastor Josie had a second dream. And of course, she wanted to share it. This time I was past being curious. With rising dread, all I could think was, “NOW what had God shown her about me?”
When she burst through the office door and greeted me with, “He showed me more of what was in the garage!” My stomach clenched and my breath caught in my throat as she perfectly described the ‘furnishings’ in the garage. Once again, when she had finished sharing her dream, I told her that I hadn’t understood any of it—this time though, I knew that she knew I was lying. But she never brought it up again.
Then, about 6 months later, it was me who had a dream. And in my dream I also ‘saw’ a house. But this house had three stories and it wasn’t one I recognized. And in my dream I ‘saw’ DEA agents and police flooding into the house and they all had guns. Pointed at us.
When I woke up, I thought to myself, “That can’t be true. We’ve been out of that “business” far too long.
And with that, I didn’t think any more about it. A few days later, I had the same dream. But once again, I dismissed it.
But here’s the rest of the story—
Nine months after my dream, those exact events played out in real life—in the exact house I’d seen—complete with DEA agents and police pouring into the house from every direction. With guns. And they had all been pointed at us.
As that ordeal was ending, another was just beginning. There was darkness pushing in on me from all directions as I found myself being processed into Honolulu’s city jail. While being taken to my assigned “room”, I was led past a TV screen showing the evening news. I glanced up just in time to see my face—MY face on the evening news. It turned out that our arrest had become a national headline. For me, that was the final straw—and with it the rest of my world came crashing down.
As I lay on the top bunk trying to give in to overwhelming exhaustion, I was hit instead with wave after wave of shame, fear, regret, and anger. And in the midst of it all, a deep sorrow overcame me. I didn’t want to chance seeing anyone walk by, so I rolled over with my face against the wall, and to my surprise found myself looking out a window. Heavy rain was pounding down on the road outside and in the driving rain the streets were empty. I saw no cars, no people, no signs of life—instead, I saw reflected back at me the darkness and despair I was feeling in my soul.
How did my life turn out like this?
As I continued to stare into that blackness, I heard the Holy Spirit ask, “Do you remember the dreams Pastor Josie shared?”
Yes, I did remember, how could I forget that glimpse into my past. But it seemed a lifetime ago. The Holy Spirit continued, “I didn’t give them to her to embarrass you, but I knew this day was coming and I wanted you to know that I would be with you every step of the way.”
Now the tears started to come. The tears I’d held off for so long. In the space of a heartbeat, I understood, I knew beyond any doubt, that God loved me and cared about me enough to foretell this day—even when I couldn’t understand. I knew and felt that I was not alone, and I no longer doubted His love for me. With His presence around me and love covering me, the emptiness in my soul was filled with the light of His truth. I knew with everything in me that I was loved.
As I continued to rest in His presence, He asked me if I remembered the dream He gave me. As I started to think about that dream, I suddenly realized this whole day had played out exactly as I had dreamt it months before—but how could that be?
At the time I didn’t understand what a Word of Knowledge or a Word of Wisdom were, but I do know that what the Holy Spirit revealed to me that night was literally life changing. Now I knew—I really knew in my heart—that God loved me, and that He knew me or, should l say, he knows me—every detail of my life—and yet still He called me His child.
John 16:13-14 says, “However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. He will glorify Me, for He will take of what is Mine and declare it to you.”
I am so grateful to God and so grateful for His Holy Spirit. Maybe for the first time in my life I had a glimpse of how special each person is to God. I felt His love and compassion for me in spite of all my bad decisions. More than that, what God did for me that night—when He brought all the pieces together—was to show me that He had been there all along. And that He was there with me now. That He was for me, not against me. He didn’t just tell me that He loved me, He SHOWED me. In a way that gave me everything I needed to walk through one of the most difficult seasons of my life.
And I know He can do the same for you.
